


love lost and love found

by heismysoulmate



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Captain America - Freeform, Character Study, F/M, M/M, Steggy - Freeform, Stucky - Freeform, i wrote it because of iw, steve doesn't have a nice life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 04:13:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15573510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heismysoulmate/pseuds/heismysoulmate
Summary: and then lost again





	love lost and love found

Steve really loved Peggy. She was with him during everything: the war and the very beginning of Captain America. She knew him before he became the symbol. She knew Steve Rogers - the boy from Brooklyn - too frail, too short and too weak to become a real soldier.

 

And he... He admired her. She was strong and independent. She was a woman and she ordered men like it was nothing, which  _ was  _ something at that time. If anyone tried to tell her anything  about it... he was so done. Rogers saw all of this with his own eyes, the first day they met.

 

She was also really beautiful. Long, curly hair, deep eyes and those red lips. Looking good both in her uniform and civil clothes.

 

He really loved her. He even saved the world for her.

 

Everyone thinks that superheroes fight villains and save the world just because. Because this is what is right and they are good people. But the truth is they almost always do it for someone. Hawkeye is doing it for his family. Ant-Man for his little girl. Iron-Man for Pepper. It's not that they don't care about other people and all, but... their main reason is always to save the one they love. Their lives and their homes. It's for them.

 

And that's why Steve was ready to do what needed to be done. Even if it meant dying. But the love of his life would survive. And that's how he lost her, along with his life.

 

But... It's not quite true, right?

 

Because he also survived. Frozen, he was silently waiting and fighting. He never let his mind give up and just die. Unconsciously he was trying to come back to her. And he did.

 

But many years had passed and it was impossible for them to have a life together which they have dreamed of. But they still cared about each other. He still loved her. That's why he was coming to visit her any time he could. Even if it hurt him so much to see her in that state, he was smiling, proud, when he heard how much agent Carter achieved when he was gone. His love was still solid.

 

And that's why it hurt so much when she died.

 

It was the worst day of his life. Worst than his own 'death', worst than waking up and knowing that he was asleep for 70 fucking years, worst than anything. He lost his love and nothing could change it this time. No miracle. Death makes us lonely.

 

***

 

_ Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. _ Everyone knows that.

 

Steve always had feelings for Bucky. They known each other for so long and at first it was friendship. James was his best friend. Steve would do anything for him and vice versa.

 

Maybe it was because he was so in love with Peggy. This feeling was new and he was drowning in it... it didn't mean he forgot about Bucky or that his feelings for him were smaller. Hell, he went for an almost suicide mission just to save him during the war. And when he thought he failed and lost him… Avengers helped. They kind of became a new family to him (some more than others). But every thought about his childhood friend still hurt more than all the punches he got in his life.

 

So it's just that he believed he loved Peggy so he never thought that he could love Bucky too.

 

On the other hand he didn't want to believe it. So he pretended he didn't have these feelings for his best friend who was under Hydra control at that time.

 

But Steve always believed in Bucky. He knew that his friend, the one who he could always depend on, was somewhere in there, in the Winter Soldier. Even when he didn’t recognized him. Even if for some time he was just a mission.

 

That's why he did everything he could to help him remember. Maybe that was when he finally understood... that the ache in his chest from seeing James in that state, the happiness from hearing simply 'Steve?', that it was something more than friendship.

 

He was able to hold a fucking helicopter just to keep Bucky with him. This means something.

 

And just like he sacrificed his life for Peggy, he sacrificed everything for Bucky: his own place among the Avengers, his friendship with Tony, his shield. Everything he had. Just to have Bucky. Because even when he had nothing, he still had Bucky.

 

And he didn't want him going back on ice. Oh, no, he didn't want to lose him again, to be alone. But Bucky wanted this. He needed it, Steve could see it in his eyes. So he let him. Because this is what true love is about.

 

Besides, it wasn't forever. Time passed and they woke him up. The recuperation began.

 

Steve couldn't be there all the time, but he paid visits very often. And every time Bucky was feeling better. It was making him smile so much that sometimes his cheeks hurt.

 

He was trying not to think about his feelings. He knew he loved him and one day he will have to tell him. And maybe it will break them. But maybe not. Maybe he feels the same. But it wasn't the  right time for this. Bucky had other things on his mind right there. So he enjoyed spending time with his friend and it was enough. For now.

 

But then Thanos came. And they were forced to fight together again, side by side. And like always, they worked in the good sync, because they knew each other so well.

 

When the battle ended, he heard: "Steve?" in this familiar, but uncertain voice. For a second he felt relief. Bucky was here, he was okay. Then he looked at him.

 

He saw Bucky disintegrating. And he couldn't do anything. He reached out but his hand never reached Bucky. It was too late. He was gone.

 

And he was alone again.


End file.
